Being OK with Me

Here I am again, going to spread some realness on you all. Amanda is in a funk and this is a step that I am using to get out of it! I'm "on" Weight Watchers and while it's fun at first, to calculate your points and see what you like and don't like, what fills you up, what leaves you hungry... after awhile, it's a full time job. Like any other job, it's work and sometimes you don't feel like doing it. Add this job to a full time career and caring for a baby, well, sometimes something has got to give and it's usually the diet and exercise. I commend the mother's who have the motivation/energy/time/willingness to be super fit and svelte, no, I really do. I wish I was that kind of mother.

For the second week in a row, I have gained weight "on" WW. The previous 10 weeks, I had lost almost 15 lbs. Imagine my really real disappointment to step on the scale and have gone up. To be headed in the wrong direction, after making some great progress, has left me super depressed. I spent a whole day mad at the world but mostly myself. I know that I could be more active, I know that there are times when I succumb to the Oreos that I buy for my husband. But I also know that it's not the end of the world. Lately, I have been "just getting by" and I'm sad to say that it's become a little bit of a sadness that's bound to spread if I don't nip it right now. It's hard to keep motivated when you feel like a failure but what I need to keep telling myself is that I'm not a failure. C'mon, I "failed" to lose weight a couple of weeks in a row. I didn't fail to keep my child alive those same two weeks. I do a lot of things right and it's time to focus on those things.

While I will continue to try to lose weight, to be a healthier and more active "me", I will also not punish myself for a little weight gain. No more skipping meals in the poor attempt at losing weight because it's not healthy. Being healthy is loving yourself. If I love myself, then I think I will be a lot happier. A happier me will be a happier family unit because as we all know, when Mom isn't happy, no one is. It's the truth. Instead of looking at pictures and being disgusted with what I see, I will try to find the positive and quit being so hard on myself. Why am I so hard on myself?! I don't know... but this is a mental and public note: try to love you, Amanda. You'll be happier that way.

*Shout out to eShakti for the rad jacket!